Jude’s Song Page 10
Logan shrugs. “We’ve dealt with weirder stuff. It’s no big deal. This helps protect you from your other issue too, so we’re killing two birds with one stone. Don’t sweat it.” He winks at me. “Besides, you’re a girl, right? I thought all girls went googly eyed over the latest phones and snazzy cases.”
I stick my tongue out and blow a raspberry at him. “Obviously, you haven’t checked out my bell-bottoms and Birkenstocks recently. I’m not exactly your traditional high-tech girl.”
Jude nods as he says, “She has a point. She writes most of her music in a spiral notebook. I haven’t converted her to the computer yet.”
“Okay, I take it back. You don’t have to take this because you’re a girl. But I want you to take it to be safe. Please?”
I pluck it from his fingers and take the phone out. Much to my surprise, it’s already customized. I raise an eyebrow and ask, “Pretty sure I would take it, were you?”
“Eventually,” Logan says. “Between your mom and Creepy Stalker Dude, things are getting dicey.”
“Have we heard more from him?” I ask, goosebumps chilling my skin.
“No, not specifically, but with those new pictures hitting the Internet, I expect we’ll be hearing something any day,” Logan says grimly.
Aidan draws my attention as he says, “Tasha, are you ready for this? You’ll be meeting with a girl by the name of Hayden Riley Rose. She’s thirteen years old. She developed bone cancer and they’ve had to amputate part of her arm. She has been a fan of yours since you were on TV with me. According to her mom, she would like to talk to you because you know what it’s like to go through cancer.”
My heart skips a beat and my throat goes dry as I admit to Aidan, “I don’t know if I remember what it was like. I was pretty little. I remember being tired and sick, but she’s older than I was when I went through chemotherapy so she’ll remember things in a lot more detail than I can.”
“Tasha, all I can tell you is that you don’t have to do the talking. Sometimes all you have to do is listen,” Aidan replies softly with a sympathetic smile.
Right. I can listen. That’s what I’ll do. I’ll simply listen.
Jude reaches out and grabs my hand. “Sirena, you listen better than anyone I know. You seem to know what I’m going to say before I say it. You’ll know what to say. I don’t have any doubt you’ll do fine.”
I lean against Jude and I realize how quickly I’ve become more than a little accustomed to his steadying arm around my waist. I wasn’t this nervous when I competed at nationals in the Miss Fantabulous Pageant or when I was on America’s Next Star. Yet there’s something about meeting this particular fan which has my stomach tied in knots.
I clutch the special CD Aidan and I made for her in one hand and a bouquet of brightly colored balloons in the other as Jude subtly guides me forward through the doorway.
“Oh my gosh!” an enthusiastic voice calls from inside the room. “My cousin Juliann won't believe this!”
“Hayden, you might want to introduce yourself first before you burst their eardrums,” an older woman chastises gently.
“Sorry, Mom — but it’s true. Juliann would have kittens if she knew Jude is here!”
Jude stops dead in his tracks and his jaw drops open as he asks, “I’m sorry… Did you say my name? You know who I am? I’m just the equipment manager.”
Hayden’s mom takes the gifts from me and sets them on a bedside table as she watches her daughter with amusement.
Hayden shakes her head and grins. “Nuh-uh. That’s what you used to do. Now you’re a singer like Tasha. My cousin saw you in Nebraska. She sent me clips on Snapchat. She said it was totally awesome. She was adopted when she was little and she doesn’t have any people in her neighborhood who speak Spanish and you talked to her like a regular person. She told me she about passed out. She said she was super embarrassed, but she thought it was the coolest thing ever.”
I elbow Jude in the ribs as I tease, “There you go. You’ve got a third fan member in your official fan club. You’re on a roll now.”
“I’m sure he’s got way more. You two were wicked good together. You should put out an album. It would probably be better than Alex and Sierra. I like their stuff — I just wish it was more country.”
“I appreciate your feedback. I’m brand-new at this singing thing. I’m grateful you like it, though. Tasha is the real star here. I wouldn’t be here without her.”
I blush at his compliment and try to deflect it. “Don’t let him sell you short. Jude has phenomenal talent. You can’t teach what he has.”
Hayden shrugs as she says, “I used to be musical.” She holds up the stump of her arm. What’s left is still angry, red and swollen. “All the plans I had for my life, including being part of the Boston Pops Orchestra, are gone now. I can’t play the piano like this.”
I feel like a third-rate jerk. I try to tamp down my growing anxiety by taking a deep breath. This is exactly what I was afraid would happen. I try to remember Aidan’s advice as I sit down in the chair next to Hayden’s bed. “I remember these rooms so well. Did they ever fix the noisy heaters?”
Hayden smiles. “This room isn’t so bad, but the last room I was in had a weird rattle. You had leukemia when you were little, right?”
I nod. “Yeah, I got sick when I was around two years old. I kept falling down and getting bruises which never got better — at least that’s what my mom tells me. I don’t remember much. I was pretty sick and very young.”
Hayden winces as her IV pulls when she adjusts herself in bed. “Lucky you. I remember too much. But you’re all better now —”
I answer carefully, not sure how much to disclose — but I feel like I should be honest. “Mostly. They say I’ve been in remission long enough I probably won’t have a relapse. Unfortunately, there are some lasting effects of the leukemia. It’s not likely I’ll have children in the future. They weren’t able to do anything with my ovaries because I was too little.”
Hayden looks sympathetic. “I’m sorry. That sucks. I have Ewing’s sarcoma. They were able to get mine by removing my arm, so they don’t think I have to do the heavy-duty stuff that’s going to kill everything in my body. At least not yet.”
“I guess that’s a little good news among a bunch of bad news.”
“Yeah, I’m trying to think of it that way but it’s hard. I used to be really good at the piano, and now I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
“I totally get it. Sometimes you have to change your plans even when your heart doesn’t want to. Do you know much about my boss, Aidan?”
Hayden shrugs. “He’s kinda old — but he plays the piano good. I didn’t start watching America’s Next Star until after he left, though.”
“There was a time in Aidan’s life when he planned to play the piano professionally. Like hardcore, on the classical music circuit. He was that good.”
“What happened? Did he stop practicing?”
I nod. “For a while, he had to because he completely lost his hearing. He got meningitis when he was a little younger than you. He completely lost his ability to play music. He had to totally reteach himself to play.”
“How does he play music if he can’t hear?”
“Aidan uses cochlear implants, but he’ll never hear music the same way as he did when he could hear. He tells me it’s like hearing music through really muffled, staticky speakers that are tuned between two radio stations.”
“Wow. I wonder why he didn’t just give up,” Hayden says with awe in her voice.
“I don’t know. I’m sure he was discouraged lots of times. He’s heard people tell him he can’t do things a lot more times than he can count. Aidan is one of those people who has to live, eat and sleep music. I don’t think his soul would be happy without it, so he had to find a way to make it work.”
Hayden holds up her amputated arm and asks, “What if I’m not like Aidan? What if I can’t reinvent myself to be better than I was before?”
Hayden giggles as she says, “No! Like not even a month. I’m still learning to do things with my left hand. I’ll get a prosthetic arm as soon as my stump heals completely.”
Hayden’s mom walks over to the bed and hands her a large iPad. “I think you should show them.”
An embarrassed expression crosses Hayden’s face as she glances at her mom. “It’s not as good as I used to do. I don’t think they’ll like it.”
“Like what?” I ask.
Hayden blushes. “Oh, you’ll probably think this is stupid, but I like to draw — or I used to. So, the occupational therapists hooked me up with this drawing app on the computer. I made some drawings of you and Jude. I wasn’t even going to show you, but somebody here opened her big mouth —”
“Hey, if you can draw anything better than stick figures, you’re way better than me.”
Jude snorts as he says in a conspiratorial tone, “She’s not kidding, you know. She barely knows how to turn one of those on. I had to show her where the home button was. She’s very old-school. She likes pencils with erasers.”
Hayden turns to me and asks, “True?”
I nod. “Unfortunately. I draw like a toddler.”
“Really?” Hayden hides her giggle behind her hand. “I kinda thought all the artistic stuff was interchangeable.”
I chuckle softly as I respond, “I guess I got all my coordination in my toes and ankles. I can plié and pirouette with the best of them. Ask me to draw a puppy dog or horse and I’m lost.”
“You’re funny! You remind me of my big sister, Jayne. She’s at college now. She’s going to a fancy fashion design school in Chicago. It’s a long way from where we live so I don’t get to see her very often. She told me not to die because she would be really sad. If you couldn’t sing for a living, what would you do?”
It takes my brain a second to catch up with all the things Hayden just told me and to sort through her non sequitur.
It hasn’t been that long since I was her age, but I feel so much older. It amazes me that I was on national television at thirteen. It felt like life and death at the time, but it was nothing compared to what Hayden is facing now. I haven’t told anyone outside my inner circle about my plans, but I think now is as good a time as any so I walk over to the table and hand Hayden my CD I made with Aidan and Jude.
I lower my voice to a whisper as I say, “I’m about to tell you something I need to stay between us for now. Can you keep a secret?”
Hayden nods eagerly.
“You know how I talked before about dreams and how they change?”
She looks at me wide-eyed and nods very slowly.
“Well, a very long time ago while I sat in a bed very similar to the one you’re sitting in I decided I wanted to be a pediatric oncology nurse.”
“But… That’s not what you do —”
“It’s not what I do now, but it’s what I want to do. So, I’ve applied to several colleges and I’m trying to get scholarships to go to school.”
“Oh my Gosh! You’re just going to stop being Tasha Keeley?” Hayden asks with a look of befuddlement. “But you have two songs on the charts right now. You worked really hard to get them there. Why would you change your life now?”
“I know. I never planned to be a singer at all; it was my mom’s plan for me. I’ve always wanted to be a nurse. It was other people who wanted me to be a star. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a singer. I’m like Aidan. A part of me will always be a musician, but it’s not all of who I am.”
“How do you know you won’t miss it?” Hayden asks.
“I don’t,” I reply with brutal honesty. “That’s what makes all of this so scary. I could try something new and be epically bad at it. All those people who tell me that it’s a bad bet and that I should stick to what I know could be right. I could be taking a risky gamble on myself. This could be the worst idea I’ve ever had. I just don’t know, and some nights I don’t sleep very well because I think about it all the time.”
“Me too,” Hayden responds. “The therapists and psychologists keep throwing new ideas at me about how I should think about my life as a ‘differently-abled’ person now. I don’t want to think. I just want to think about going to the eighth-grade dance and playing basketball. But I can’t do that now. I have to think about the big things, and I don’t know how to think about the big things anymore. When I start to plan for the big things, the little things start to bug me — like how do I button my pants, tie my shoelaces, or open a package of gum? I’m so tired of thinking, I could scream.”
“Oh Hayden, I’m sorry cancer has turned your world into such a scary place. Being a teenager is frustrating enough without all the extra worry. So, how about this? We’ll be each other’s secret sounding boards. If you get overwhelmed, you can tell me and I’ll listen. I’ll keep you up-to-date with what’s going on with me and maybe if I need some help to figure out the technology for college, you can help with that too.”
Hayden smiles at me. “That sounds like a good idea. If what Jude said is true, you’ll need all the help you can get. That drawing application I have is a great stress reliever. You can draw flowers and other stuff on it. It has a built-in coloring page. All you have to do is color between the lines if you want.”
“I’d like to see what you made,” I encourage.
“Okay, but just remember before this happened, I was much better with my right hand,” Hayden answers reluctantly, clearly stalling.
“Hello? You’re talking to the girl who can’t draw a stick figure.”
Hayden grabs the tablet and swipes her finger across a few buttons. Suddenly, a picture of Jude pops up. She nailed his expression perfectly.
“Wow, this is pretty good. How did you do that?”
“I told you — my cousin sent me pictures from the concert in Nebraska. She stood in line to see you guys and got some good close-up snapshots.”
“You did this all on this little tablet-y thing?” I ask, examining the picture carefully.
Jude raises his eyebrow at Hayden. “Did I not tell you? Technology isn't her thing.”
I roll my eyes at Jude. “Hey! I can tweet and take a selfie.” I turn to Hayden and ask, “Is there any way to make a copy of this? I’d like one because I think it’s great.”
“Seriously? It’s not as good as what I used to be able to do.”
“I love it because you made it. Did you draw one of me?”
Hayden takes the tablet back from me and flips it over to another picture.
It’s a picture of me playing my guitar. “This one is cool, too. I’m glad your mom nagged you into showing me. I know it’s not what you’re used to doing, but they’re still great. You haven’t lost your artistic eye.”
Hayden blushes. “Even though I think you’re just being nice, I appreciate your vote of confidence. There’s a printer in the office next to the play room. The staff lets us print out greeting cards and stuff. They probably wouldn’t mind if we printed these out.”
“This might be the coolest thing I’ve ever received from a fan. Thank you so much,” I say as I hug her carefully.
“I bet you won’t forget me, huh?”
“I don’t think there’s any danger of that. Hayden, I’ll remember you forever. I expect you to be in the front row when I graduate from nursing school.”
“I don’t know if I can do that, Tasha. What if it’s at the same time as my high school graduation?”
“Well, that’s a problem I would be happy to have.”
“Here’s to two girls figuring out a master plan to rule the world.” Hayden says as she gives me a high five.
CHAPTER TWELVE
JUDE
I LOOK AROUND THE ROOM o
f the quaint house in Belle Meade and I can’t believe how much my life has changed in just a couple of years. My mom would love this city. I wish she had the opportunity to travel as much as I do. There’s so much to see here. The vibe is so much different in Nashville than anywhere else I’ve ever been. Every place you look there is a different motif.
A loud crash from the other room draws my attention as I hear Tasha say, “Shoot! I should’ve listened to Mindy. She told me to get a new set of luggage before this trip. One of these days, I’ll learn to take her advice seriously. She never seems to be wrong.”
As I peek around the corner, I encounter Tasha sprawled flat on her butt with a suitcase handle in her hand.
“What does Mindy have to do with your suitcase?” I ask as I try to figure out Aidan’s honorary niece’s place in the conversation.
Tasha gazes up at me with a puzzled expression. “Oh, I thought you knew. Both Tara and Mindy seem to have some sort of psychic ability. At first, I was a skeptic — but now I have seen enough to pay attention.” She sighs as she shows me the broken handle. “Or at least I should have. Maybe if I had, this would still be in one piece.”
“Oh, poor Sirena,” I say as I help her up and try to hide my smile. “I’m sorry, I know that was your favorite suitcase. What can I do to make you feel better?”
“I know it’s stupid to be sentimental about luggage, but my grandpa gave me this suitcase before he died. He told me I would be going places in this world. I guess as long as I used this suitcase, I always felt like I was invincible and Papa could never be wrong.”
“I’m sorry, Tasha. I believe you’re going places whether you choose to stay on the stage or be by someone’s bedside. I know you’ll make your mark on this world. You were phenomenal with Hayden the other day.”
“Do you think so?” Tasha asks with a raised eyebrow. “I felt like the words were tumbling out of my mouth. I didn’t always know what to say. Hayden’s such a sweetheart to be going through so much pain.”